It's Good To Be The Rogue
by Red Witch
Summary: Rogue has problems, but one day in her life really puts things into perspective! Therapy sessions gone wrong, spying on dates and bitter ex girlfriends! What more could you ask for in this completed fic?
1. Therapy is Fun

**You all know that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters or GI Joes do ya? Good! Okay since 'Sleepover of Doom' was banned here (Thanks a lot FF NET!) I put it up on Calistolexx's website. Go check it out! So just assume this fic takes place after it and a lot of stuff in Sleepover of Doom was classified. So just enjoy this fic in the meantime.**

**It's Good To Be The Rogue**

**Chapter 1: Therapy is Fun**

It had been a full week since 'The Sleepover of Doom Incident' and the Institute had been redone, rebuilt and in some areas improved. The X-Men were just grateful that no one would ever know about the disasters that had happened thanks to the magic abilities of Dr. Strange, Jean and Xavier's telepathic abilities and the military cover-ups. And no one ever would due to the fact that all parties had signed confidentiality agreements swearing everyone to secrecy. Considering the damage that would irreparably harm the reputation of mutants everywhere, no one complained about it.

However several of the mutants were still dealing with the traumatic aftermath. "Kurt I understand that overhearing your mother having…." Psyche-Out struggled not to throw up. "Intimate relations with another partner can be disturbing."

"DISTURBING?" Kurt shouted. "She and Zartan were…oh god I can't even say it!"

"Hey I heard the whole thing too Kurt," Remy told him. The two of them were in therapy with Psyche-Out.

"Yeah and you were really getting into it if I recall!" Kurt snapped.

"Hey that was before I knew who they were!" Remy snapped. "Give me some credit!"

"Yeah I give you credit! Credit for being a pervert!" Kurt snapped. "What my sister sees in you I will never know!"

"That reminds me Rogue's therapy is after Kurt's today isn't it?" Psyche-Out asked.

"Yeah and lucky me I get two therapy sessions straight," Remy groaned.

"I'll take them!" Kurt moaned. "I need them more than you do! Thank God Rogue knows nothing about what happened! AND NOBODY BETTER TELL HER IF THEY KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR THEM!"

"Hey, do the words 'doctor-patient confidentiality' mean anything to you?" Psyche-Out looked at him.

"They've never meant anything to **you**," Remy looked at Psyche-Out. "But I'm not stupid enough to say anything to Rogue. Remy values his hide way too much. And Toad well…"

"How much did you pay him off?" Kurt moaned.

"Actually it was pretty cheap considering," Remy shrugged.

"Yeah well I'm certainly paying for my mother's indiscretion!" Kurt moaned. "I can't get it out of my head! What do I Psyche-Out? What do I do?"

"Darned if I know," Psyche-Out scratched his head. "This is a new one on me."

"Oh this really makes me feel better," Kurt moaned.

"I wish it was one of those stupid hallucinations we had when we all had Mutant Pox," Remy grunted.

"Yeah you thought the ceiling fan was an old girlfriend," Psyche-Out remembered. "Care to talk about that?"

"NO!" Remy snapped. "And Remy does not want you to mention that to Rogue either!"

"Wait a minute…" Kurt blinked. "That's it! It was a delusion!"

"What?" Remy looked at him.

"It was all a delusion brought on by Mutant Pox!" Kurt brightened. "It never happened! Of course! What a relief!"

"Uh Kurt I think you are what we refer to in the medical profession as 'denial'," Psyche-Out sighed.

"I don't care! It wasn't real! Never happened!" Kurt insisted. "Nope! Never happened!"

"Kurt…" Psyche-Out sighed.

"Never happened! All a dream!" Kurt said happily.

"I thought you said it was a fever induced delusion?" Remy asked.

"Whatever it was it didn't happen! I don't care!" Kurt snapped at him.

"Kurt this is not a healthy way to deal with this…" Psyche-Out told him.

"Hey eating junk food isn't healthy either but it makes me feel good anyway!" Kurt told him. "It didn't happen! Never happened!"

"Kurt…" Psyche-Out sighed.

"La! La! La! Not listening!" Kurt put his hands over his ears. "I saw nothing! Nothing!"

"This might take more than a few sessions," Psyche-Out sighed.

"No ya think?" Remy asked sarcastically.

########################################################################

"I swear I am gonna kill Bobby Drake next time I see him," Rogue snarled as she walked the hallways with Kitty.

"Yeah you think that he would come up with something more original than putting snow in our wardrobes," Kitty agreed. "So off to couple's therapy again huh?"

"I hate it!" Rogue groaned. "Why is the Professor making me do this? **You're** the one with the relationship problems!"

"Tell me about it," Kitty sighed, not quite interpreting it the way Rogue intended. "Peter and Lance are still not speaking to me!"

"Can you blame 'em?" Rogue asked. "The way you've been leading 'em on?"

"Hey it's not like I wanna get married right now or something!" Kitty snapped. "I'm a teenager! I'm supposed to have fun! I mean it's not like I'm gonna have sex with them or anything! Just a little wholesome fun with two boys I really like! Is that so wrong?"

"What happened to my life?" Rogue rolled her eyes. "Why me God? It's bad enough I have these powers that not only prevent me from touching anyone and making me a target for every nut who wants to take over the planet but I'm stuck in the same house with a girl who **has** to have **two** boyfriends! It's like I'm stuck in some kind of bad Archie comic!"

"Well you have Remy," Kitty pointed out. "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? The only reason that Swamp Rat hangs around me is because he can't have me!" Rogue snapped. "I'm just another challenge for him! Well I'm not falling for it! No way!"

"Then why do you write his name inside hearts in your notebook?" Kitty grinned.

Rogue gave her a glare that indicated she wanted to kill her. "How many times have I told you not to read my notebook?"

"I didn't. Quicksilver did and he told everyone," Kitty shrugged casually.

"Reason my life sucks number **five!**" Rogue shouted exasperated. "Being related to that maniac is almost as bad as being related to Magneto and Mystique!"

"Don't forget Wanda and Polaris," Kitty pointed out. "And Kurt."

"You really know how to make a girl feel better don't ya?" Rogue asked sarcastically. "The point is there are days when I wonder why I bother to get out of bed in the morning! I know being a teen you're supposed to get angst and your life is supposed to suck but this is ridiculous! Sometimes I feel like I'm the most cursed girl on the planet."

Then Kurt ran down the hall with hands over his ears. "I am not listening! It never happened! La! La! La! La!"

"KURT GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR THERAPY LIKE A MAN!" Psyche-Out ran after him. "DON'T MAKE ME USE THE TRANQUELIZER GUN ON YOU! AGAIN!"

"LA! LA! CAN'T HEAR YOU! LA!" Kurt sang as he teleported away.

"Oh great!" Psyche-Out turned on his communicator. "Psyche-Out to base! We got a runner! Bring the knock out shots and the straightjacket!" He ran off to get Kurt.

"You were saying?" Kitty asked.

"I guess my life could be worse," Rogue blinked.

**Next: Rogue goes to therapy with Remy. Not to mention a few other couples. Isn't that fun?**


	2. Just When You Think You've Got It Bad

**Just When You Think You've Got It Bad**

"Welcome all of you to our first meeting of Teen Couples Counseling," Psyche-Out said brightly. "Dating can be stressful for anyone. This forum is for all of you to work together through your problems and create a healthy lasting relationship with each other as well as create a strong bond amongst the group."

"Oh man Psyche did you pick the wrong group," Lance grunted. He was sitting on the furthest edge of the couch with Peter on the other end and Kitty in the middle.

"For once you are right," Peter grudgingly agreed.

"There is nothing wrong with **our** relationship," Remy defended. "Chere just needs to relax some more. Let it all hang out." He put his arm around Rogue. "She needs to understand that Remy is her man and will fulfill all her needs. And I mean all of them if you get my drift."

"What I need is for you to take your slimy hands off me!" Rogue pushed him away. "Or **you** will **need **a **hospital!**"

"Oh yeah she wants me," Remy winked.

"I hate my life…" Rogue moaned.

"Excuse me why are we here?" Scott held up his hand. "Okay Rogue has some trust issues with Remy I get. And Kitty and her harem are just plain **nuts!** But why do Jean and I need to be here? We're pretty stable comparatively!"

"Well you do have some repression issues Scott," Jean told him.

"Not to mention the fact that you're completely whipped," Remy made a whipping noise.

"You're going to end up through a wall if you don't quit that!" Scott snapped at him. "How's that for repression issues pal?"

"Scott calm down," Jean sighed.

"Sorry it just bugs me that I'm here yet Toad and Althea roam free," Scott grumbled.

"Do you really want to know what goes on in their heads?" Lance asked him. "Trust me you'll get nightmares for weeks."

"You have a point," Scott sighed. "Well what about Tabitha and Sam or Kurt and Amanda?"

"Well Kurt is in a happy place right now," Psyche-Out phrased it delicately. "He just needs a little calming down."

"How many pills did you give him?" Lance asked casually.

"And…" Psyche-Out ignored the question. "Tabitha and Sam are pretty stable."

"STABLE? THE GIRL BLOWS UP PEOPLE'S UNDERWEAR DRAWERS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Scott screamed. "You think she's stable? But I'm **nuts**?"

"You're the one dating Jean," Lance quipped with a grin.

"He could do worse," Peter pointed out. "I can't imagine who right now but he could do worse."

"You're still miffed about me taking your Hershey's bar aren't you?" Jean looked at him. "You left it in the refrigerator! How was I supposed to know you were saving it?"

"Uh I don't know," Peter remarked. "Maybe the label I put on it? Do Not Eat! Peter's Candy?"

"I didn't see it okay?" Jean snapped.

"It was in bold letters right on the label of the plastic bag I put it in!" Peter shouted. "How could you **not **see it?"

"I think we're getting off the track right now," Psyche-Out interrupted. "Why don't we save that for later in the session."

"Good," Rogue grunted. "The last thing I wanted to hear for an hour was those two fighting about candy bars."

"Let's talk about Rogue's fear of intimacy," Psyche-Out said cheerfully.

"Peter did you know she also stole you M&M's?" Rogue asked.

"Come on Rogue you gotta admit you do put up a lot of walls," Psyche-Out remarked.

"Yeah the way you dress, talk and treat Remy like garbage sometimes…" Kitty said. "That's real hostile."

"What is this? Pick on Rogue Day?" Rogue snapped. "And Kitty you're the last person who should be telling people about treating boyfriends like garbage!"

"Testify!" Lance shouted.

"Yeah but it's obvious Remy loves you," Kitty said. "Why don't you believe it? You keep saying he's just hanging around you because he sees you as some kind of conquest like you did in the hall just now but…"

"What did she say about Remy?" Remy blinked.

"Oh she just said that you wouldn't hang around her so much if you could touch her," Kitty told him.

"Chere Remy's wounded," Remy made a hurt face.

"No but you will be," Rogue glared at Kitty. "And you won't be the only one."

"It seems that Rogue has some trust issues," Psyche-Out observed.

"That is the understatement of the century!" Rogue snapped. "I've been used by my parents as well as every other megalomaniac trying to take over the world! **Of course** **I have trust issues! WHO WOULDN'T IF YOU WERE ME?**"

"Here we go," Jean groaned.

"What?" Rogue snapped.

"You go on your little self pitying rant about how you can never touch anyone," Jean sighed in frustration. "And how dangerous your powers are! Which you say practically all the time!"

"I do not!" Rogue snapped.

"Yes you do!" Jean snapped back. "Like your powers are the only ones that cause problems in this house. You're not the only one who's had to spend a lot of time in the infirmary recovering from your powers going haywire you know?"

"Hey it gets kind of frustrating sometimes knowing that you literally have the Kiss of Death!" Rogue snapped at Jean.

"Frustration? You want to talk about frustration? Boy I can tell you stories about frustration," Jean breathed outward.

"Jean don't go there," Scott glared at her.

"Oh yeah you can't touch anyone," Jean said sarcastically. "What a nightmare! Sometimes I wish I had your problem Rogue! Believe me! Physical contact isn't exactly all that it's cracked up to be!"

"Oh god this is about last night…" Scott moaned.

"What about last night?" Kitty asked.

"NOTHING!" Scott snapped at her.

"Scott couldn't…perform," Jean sighed. "If you get my drift."

"JEAN!" Scott shouted.

"Oh really?" Lance grinned. "Do tell!"

"Lately when we touch each other, if we do touch each other," Jean sighed. "It seems kind of…rushed."

"Oh god…" Scott moaned as he put his head in his hands. "Jean we live in a mansion filled with snoops and spies! It's kind of hard to relax and find privacy you know? And you weren't exactly helpful if I recall!"

"What do you mean?" Jean asked. "I was just trying to set the mood!"

"Well excuse me if I don't get aroused as much by leather and chains as much as you do!" Scott shouted.

"All right!" Lance shouted. "Now this is good!"

"I love therapy!" Remy grinned.

"SCOTT!" Jean turned red. "You did not have to tell them **that!**"

"Oh and you just **had** to tell everybody that I couldn't get it up did you?" Scott snapped back. "Do you realize Kitty and Lance are gonna blab this for everyone to hear?"

"We wouldn't do that!" Kitty protested. Lance just laughed. "Shut up Lance!"

"What are you gonna do Kitty?" Lance looked at her. "Run off with Tin Man if I don't?"

"Oh no way!" Peter folded his arms. "Colossus not going to play **that **game! But at least Jean when she plays her games she only wants to play them with Scott!"

"And what is **that** supposed to mean?" Kitty whirled on him.

"It means this little game of Ping Pong hearts is driving us all crazy!" Lance shouted.

"Well she did tell me in the halls that she just wanted to have some wholesome fun with two boys," Rogue remarked.

"Thanks a lot Rogue!" Kitty glared at her.

"Just returning the favor sweetheart!" Rogue shouted back.

"See what I mean?" Scott shouted at Jean. "At this rate our private life will be on the evening news!"

"I don't think they'd allow it Summers," Lance grinned. "The news tries to maintain at least a PG rating."

"Yes it seems Jean is more into the triple X variety," Peter snickered.

"Whipped!" Remy made a motion with his wrist.

"Why you…" Scott's hand went for his glasses.

"Hey don't yell at him for speaking the truth!" Kitty snapped. "Let's face it Jean you can be pretty domineering sometimes."

"Oh yeah this from someone who has to be the center of attention all the time!" Jean shot back.

"I do not!" Kitty shouted.

"Do so!" Jean shouted back.

"Do not!"

"Do so!"

"Do not infinity!"

"Oh that's **real **mature!" Jean shouted.

"You're the one into bondage and you're calling me **immature**?" Kitty shouted. "At least I know not to have sex with my guys!"

"We won't let you!" Peter shouted.

"What do you mean **'your guys'**?" Lance added. "Is that what Summers said was true? You do see us as some kind of harem! Admit it!"

"See Kitty you're screwed up!" Jean shouted.

"Oh so are you!" Kitty shouted.

"Yeah you do have a domineering nature!" Scott shouted at Jean.

"Shut up Scott!" Jean snapped.

"See?" Scott pointed at Jean.

"I am not domineering!" Jean shouted.

"Oh yeah right!" Lance snorted. "And Summers isn't an anal retentive moron!"

"At least I'm not a hood who's in an abusive relationship!" Scott shouted back.

"Abusive?" Kitty shouted at him.

"Well what else would you call it Kitty when you string two guys along at the same time and play them against each other?" Jean shouted at her.

"I dunno what did you call it when you did the same thing with Scott and Duncan?" Peter asked.

"When are people **ever** going to let me live **that **down?" Jean screamed.

"I dunno," Kitty glared at her. "**Never**?"

"I made a mistake! A huge mistake!" Jean shouted.

"Obviously," Scott snorted.

"Yeah well at least I like a better class of guy than Duncan," Kitty told her.

"I'm not so sure," Scott said.

"Is that a crack about me?" Lance shouted.

"Well he certainly isn't referring to me!" Peter snapped.

"Who asked **you**?" Lance shouted.

Rogue and Remy watched as the others got into a screaming match with each other. Psyche-Out tried to stop them only to get accidentally punched in the gut by Kitty. Soon Peter, Lance and Scott were fighting on the floor while Kitty and Jean were throwing objects at each other. "Maybe we should get out of their way?" Rogue got up and moved to the back with Remy. "They seem to have a lot of issues to work out."

"Remy don't look so bad now does he?" Remy folded his arms and grinned at Rogue.

"Okay I admit it," Rogue conceded. "Wanna go get a burger someplace?"

"Yeah I think we're done here," Remy got up and put his arm around Rogue as they left.

**Next: Dates are fun until people crash them. Especially an unwanted guest from the past! Oh boy!**


	3. Privacy? What's That?

**Privacy? What's That?**

"Wow this place is really nice," Rogue remarked as they sat down at a table outside. It was a small coffee bar that had some outdoor seating. They had a great view of the park and several multi-colored flowerbeds.

"These people are new in town," Remy told her. "Opened it last week."

"Ah so **that's** why they allowed us in," Rogue sighed. "Better enjoy it while it lasts." She picked up her mocha latte and took a sip. "Good coffee though."

"Hmmm," Remy nodded appreciatively as he took a sip of his cappuchino. "Oh before I forget." He took a small box out of his jacket and placed it before her. "Happy Birthday Cherie."

"You remembered?" Rogue was taken by surprise.

"Of course," Remy grinned. "Remy may do a lot of stupid things but he never forgets a woman's birthday. I'm surprised you didn't remind anyone though."

"Well considering what happened on my **last** birthday can you blame me for wanting to keep it low key?" Rogue asked.

"I guess I shouldn't tell you about the surprise party for tonight huh?" Remy grinned.

"As long as half of Bayville isn't invited," Rogue sighed. She caught some of the looks people on the street were giving them. "Not that any of 'em will come anyway."

"Open your present," Remy told her. "You'll feel better."

"Why not?" Rogue opened it and saw a white gold bracelet with emerald settings. "Oh Remy! This is beautiful! Wait…you didn't steal this did you?"

"Now Cherie," Remy pouted. "Why do you always think the worst of Remy?"

"Uh, cause you're **you**?" Pietro remarked as he zipped up to them, scattering papers and hats of other people as he approached. "Hey Sis! Having a nice birthday?"

"It was a lot better before you showed up," Rogue glared at him. "And that's saying something!"

"What are **you **doing here?" Remy glared at Pietro.

"What is anyone doing here?" Pietro had a puzzled look on his face. "What is the meaning of life? Why were we put on this earth? What is our purpose?"

"I know what **your **purpose is," Rogue glared at him. "To annoy everyone in your path!"

"And I do such a great job of it," Pietro grinned. "So how's the date going? Ooh! Presents!" He grabbed the bracelet and examined it. "14 carats, white gold…nice cut of the emeralds! Very nice! You have good taste! So where'd you swipe this from?"

"Give it back Pietro!" Wanda stormed up. "Like you never stole things!"

"I wasn't accusing him I was asking him," Pietro pointed out. "I want to know where he got it so I can check out the store myself."

"You will be checking into a hospital if you two don't get out of here!" Rogue snapped.

"Hey at least we're not spying on you like they are!" Pietro pointed to a table a few rows back. He waved to the occupants trying to hide behind a newspaper. "Yo hoo! Kitty! Kurt! Thornn! How are you doing?"

The three of them sheepishly put down their newspapers. Both Kurt and Thornn had their inducers turned on. "Anything interesting in the news?" Rogue asked sarcastically.

"Yeah the X-Geeks are lousy spies, film at eleven," Althea quipped as she and Todd sat down at the table next to them. They had a huge amount of pastries. "Don't mind us we're just here to get a snack."

"You people are unbelievable!" Remy snapped. "Don't you have anything better to do than spy on us?"

"Hey at least we're not videotaping everything!" Thornn pointed to another table and another couple hiding behind a newspaper. A newspaper that had a hole right through it.

"TABITHA! BOBBY!" Rogue stormed over. "What are you people doing?" She snatched the newspaper and the camera from them.

"Shooting an art movie," Tabitha responded nonchalantly.

"I'm gonna shoot you in a minute!" Remy snarled.

"Hey guys," Jubilee walked by carrying some pastry. "Did you check out the scones here? They're great!"

"That's nothing," Althea gulped down some food. "You gotta try this chocolate croissant! It's to die for!"

"Is the whole freaking mansion here or what?" Rogue snapped. "Are your lives really so pathetic that the only entertainment you get is by following around everyone and spying on them?"

"Kitty we need to talk," Lance walked up with Peter. "We've been watching you across the street and it's time we all got this out in the open."

"Bobby! Get the second camera!" Tabitha said. "This is gonna be good!"

"Does **that **answer your question?" Pietro looked at Rogue.

"You know maybe it is just as well that my powers can't let me touch anyone," Rogue buried her face in her hands as she sat down. "It's not like I would ever have the **privacy** to know what that's like anyway!"

"Kitty you need to know how we feel about you," Peter said.

"Yeah we're not just your toys you know!" Lance said.

"I never said you were!" Kitty snapped.

"That's not what Rogue said in therapy!" Peter said.

"She did not!" Kitty snapped. "Rogue you tell them what I said!"

"Too bad we didn't get that on camera," Todd remarked as he gulped down a muffin. "We could just play it back!"

"Rogue you know Kitty's in denial!" Peter shouted.

"I am not!" Kitty snapped. "Tell them Rogue!"

"AGGGH!" Rogue shouted. "WILL YOU ALL GET OUT OF HERE? I DON'T NEED THIS!"

A young blonde waitress sashayed up to them. "Yes please you're creating a disturbance."

"Sorry about…" Remy looked at her and his face turned pale. "YOU!"

"Me," The waitress looked at him. "Hello Remy."

"You know him?" Rogue asked.

"Obviously," The woman sniffed tossing her hair.

"Ooh! The plot thickens!" Pietro grinned maliciously.

"And roll camera," Bobby set the camcorder.

"Remy who is she?" Rogue asked.

"Yes Remy why don't you tell her exactly who I am?" The waitress asked.

"Belladonna!" Remy gasped.

"Hello Lover," Belladonna pointed a gun at them. "Long time no see."

"Old girlfriend huh?" Todd blinked.

"Well she wants to kill him," Pietro remarked. "That's usually a sign they dated."

"So much for a peaceful birthday…" Rogue groaned.

**Next: Rogue's birthday becomes even more hectic! And yes it's possible!**


	4. Kidnapped, Yeah THAT'S Original

****

Kidnapped, Yeah THAT'S Original

"Oh pointing a gun at us, yeah **that's** scary," Rogue sniffed. "Obviously you have no clue who we are or else you wouldn't do such a stupid thing!"

"Oh I know more about you than I think you do," Belladonna grinned. "IMMOBILUIUS XANRANAX!" Her other hand glowed as she intoned the magic words.

Suddenly all the mutants in the place were surrounded by a personal forcefields. (All the humans in the place had headed for the hills as soon as Belladonna took out the gun.) "I…I can't move…" Wanda gasped.

"Yes it's a rather handy little spell," Belladonna grinned. "Shame I couldn't freeze your mouths as well."

"Your magic's improved," Remy grunted.

"Fire hot rage is a great motivator for studying," Belladonna told him. "That and the desire for revenge. Let's just say you're lucky I decided not to use my mutant abilities on you…for now."

"Mutant abilities?" Pietro asked. "She's a mutant?"

"And a magic wielder?" Althea asked.

"Yes on both counts," Remy sighed.

"What a wonderful combination," Lance said sarcastically. "And you had to tick her off didn't you?"

"You have no idea," Belladonna growled. "How could you leave me like that Remy? So what if you blew up Juilen into a million pieces? Big whoop! That's no reason to leave me!"

"Most girls would be a bit upset if I killed their only brother," Remy said.

"Well I'm not like most girls," Belladonna sniffed. "What really ticked me off is that you left me at the altar!"

"He what?" Rogue glared at Remy. "What the hell is she talking about?"

"Yeah inquiring minds wanna know!" Pietro shouted.

"Your entire family was trying to kill me!" Remy shouted. "I think it was safe to say the wedding was off!"

"WEDDING?" Rogue screamed. "WHAT WEDDING?"

"Our wedding dear," Belladonna took out a strange looking bomb. "AND YOUR FUNERAL!" She threw it at them.

"Look out!" Rogue screamed. The next thing everyone knew there was smoke and darkness everywhere.

Pietro was the first to recover. "What happened?" He sat up. He saw there were ambulances and police all over the place.

"We were hoping you'd tell us," Roadblock grunted. Logan and Shipwreck were there as well.

The other mutants started to recover. "What hit us?" Kitty moaned. "Hey we can move again?"

"Oh goody…" Todd groaned. "**Now** we can move."

"So what happened?" Shipwreck asked. "The cops say you got into an argument with some nut with a gun."

"Yeah but it wasn't our idea," Wanda grunted. "She's an old girlfriend of Remy's. What did she hit us with?"

"Knock out gas…" Logan grunted. "Cute…"

"What are you doing here?" Tabitha coughed.

"We came to track all of you down," Logan told her. "And to try and keep you from causing any trouble. Obviously we were a little late."

"Where's Rogue?" Remy looked around.

"We didn't see her," Logan frowned. "We thought she might have taken off before."

"No she was with us," Remy said.

"She's gone now," Althea told her. "Belladonna must have taken her."

"Gee I wonder why?" Kurt glared at Remy.

"It's not Remy's fault!" Remy shouted. "I didn't tell her to take her!"

"Why is it always Rogue that gets kidnapped?" Kitty stomped her foot.

"You wanna take her place be my guest," Wanda told her.

"What I really want to know is exactly who is that woman!" Kurt glared at Remy. "What does she want with Rogue and what was all that about you leaving her at the altar?"

"We were sort of…engaged to be married," Remy fidgeted. "Almost were. Maybe I should tell you the whole story."

"That might be a good idea," Logan folded his arms. "Who exactly are we talking about here?"

"Yeah who is this magic wielding mutant that's got your number?" Todd asked.

"She's a mutant? And she can use magic?" Logan's jaw dropped. "Not exactly a good combination for people you want to tick off!"

"Tell me about it," Remy groaned. "Her name is Belladonna Bordeaux. You know Remy was part of the Thieves Guild right?"

"Yeah," Logan nodded. "Let me guess, a member of the club?"

"No a more like a member of a rival club," Remy told them. "The Assassins Guild."

"The Assassins Guild?" Roadblock asked. "**The** Assassins Guild?"

"You've heard of them?" Logan asked.

"Oh yeah," Shipwreck nodded. "It's said the Jugglers have their number on speed dial."

"Half their business is with members of the US Government," Roadblock nodded. "And the other half is their enemies."

"You're kidding me," Kitty's jaw dropped.

"I wish," Shipwreck grunted. "They're one of the top three most feared assassin for hire groups in the world."

"Top three?" Tabitha blinked. "That doesn't sound so bad."

"You don't know the other two on the list," Shipwreck pointed out. "The only reason is that number two is into demonic possession and number one is semi retired. But still extremely deadly. So deadly nobody wants to hire the guy. Too afraid of him and his clan."

"Guy? You saying there's one man that's the most feared assassin on the planet?" Remy remarked.

"Yeah but he doesn't exactly go around killing people anymore," Althea grinned. "But that's not important right now. Let's get back to this Belladonna nut."

"Are you saying she's part of the infamous Assassin's Guild?" Logan asked.

"No…" Remy took a deep breath. "She's now the head of the Assassin's Guild. And Remy used to be her fiancée."

"**What?**" Kurt's eyes widened.

"Boy Rogue sure is unlucky when it comes to people isn't she?" Pietro whistled.

"Yeah and I thought her relatives were bad enough," Tabitha remarked.

**Oh no, Rogue's been kidnapped! Again. This is starting to become some kind of running joke. But Rogue's not laughing when she wakes up! But you will! Read and review!**


	5. You've Got a Lot of Explaining to Do

**You Got A Lot Of Explaining To Do**

When Rogue awoke she found herself unable to move. She was held in place by the same spell and bound to a chair. "Ugh…My head…"

"She's awake now Lady Bordeaux," A large man with a French accent said.

"Thank you Louis," Belladonna spoke. She was dressed in a turquoise and pink body armor. "So our prey has finally awoken."

"Of course I'm kidnapped again!" Rogue groaned. "I'm always being kidnapped! Then again if I wasn't kidnapped all the time I'd never go anywhere."

"So this is nothing new to you," Belladonna seemed deflated. "So much for intimidation through psychological means."

"Just curious? Where am I this time?" Rogue asked sarcastically. "Tibet? New Orleans? Some rogue government agency? Outer Space?"

"Outer Space?" Belladonna raised an eyebrow.

"Well technically it was just Asteroid M a couple of times but you get the picture," Rogue sighed. "I'm guessing you used a teleportation spell right?"

"How did you know?" Belladonna asked surprised.

"Please it's not exactly a new trick," Rogue groaned. "Now who the hell are you and what's your beef with me!"

"It's not exactly you I'm after," Belladonna told her. "It's my former fiancée, Remy I want. He'll pay for ditching me at the altar!"

"Excuse me but could you run that by me again?" Rogue asked.

########################################################################

"FIANCEE!" Kurt shouted. "You were **engaged**? To an **assassin?**"

"Unfortunately," Remy groaned. "But it wasn't Remy's idea! My louse of an adopted father arranged it!"

"So it wasn't your idea?" Kitty asked.

"Duh!" Tabitha groaned. "That's what an arraigned marriage is! So what happened?"

"Didn't you hear me? I ended up killing her brother **that's **what happened!" Remy snapped.

"You killed your fiancée's brother?" Kurt gasped.

"Well to be fair he was trying to kill Remy at the time," Remy pointed out. "In the middle of the church. On our wedding day. Didn't think I was suitable for his sister so he attacked me. That's when I came to the conclusion that getting married to an assassin might not be such a good idea."

"Not to mention unhealthy," Kitty remarked. "So you didn't marry her and had to run away huh?"

"Considering there was a bounty on my head it seemed like a good idea at the time," Remy told her. "Not to mention the final straw for me and my father."

"So **this **is all your fault!" Kurt lunged at him. Soon both of them were rolling around on the floor.

"Hey! Break it up you two!" Roadblock and Logan along with a few police officers grabbed them and dragged them apart.

"You kids got enough problems without adding assault charges and more disturbing the peace!" One cop said.

"We didn't do anything!" Kitty protested.

"For once," Thornn shrugged.

"Yeah right," Another officer snorted. "Cuff 'em!"

"Hold on a second," Roadblock flashed his Army Identification. "I think I can straighten this out. Can I see your superior officer?"

"All right," The second cop nodded.

"I'll go convince the cops not to arrest you," Roadblock told them. "Stay here." He went off to smooth things over.

"Like we have a choice?" Bobby sighed as he sat down under the glare of the police. "So this Belladonna chick wants revenge huh?"

"Gee Ice Cube took you that long to figure it out huh?" Lance asked sarcastically.

"Duh," Todd rolled his eyes. "Why else would she kidnap Rogue? You think she wants to sell her Avon or something?"

"You are some piece of work you know that?" Kurt snapped at Remy. "How could you keep something like this from us? From Rogue?"

"Ever hear of a little thing called privacy Elf Boy?" Remy snarled back.

"Cool it! Both of you!" Althea snapped.

"As much as we'd love for the two of you to tear each other apart we have more important things to worry about right now," Pietro zipped between them. "Like getting Rogue back? You can kill each other later."

"Thought you didn't like her?" Remy asked.

"I never said that," Pietro sniffed. "True she does annoy me sometimes. But since we are related I take that as a given."

"Pietro's right," Wanda admitted. "Like it or not Rogue's family. And nobody besides us gets to hurt family. Well maybe one exception… But Rogue's not it."

"Remy you seem to know how this Belladonna's mind works," Althea suggested. "Have any idea where she's taken Rogue?"

"Remy could never fully understand that maniac," Remy frowned. "But Remy does know where she'd take her. Most likely she used a teleportation spell to take her back to her stronghold in New Orleans."

"How powerful is her magic?" Jubilee asked. "And what exactly are her powers?"

"She can create plasma blasts," Remy explained. "Back when Remy knew her three years ago she could barely cast an illusion spell much less do what she did."

"Well obviously she's been practicing," Thornn grunted.

"Okay I got good news," Roadblock walked over to them. "The place had surveillance cameras and it caught the whole thing on tape. Since it showed Belladonna pulling the gun on you and you not fighting back they've got nothing on you."

"We were under a spell," Wanda told him. "Not like we had a choice."

"If she hurts my sister…" Kurt clenched his hands.

"No," Remy's face hardened. "Belladonna is one twisted girl. She'll wait until Remy's there to do anything so Remy will see it. Remy knows this."

"I have an idea," Althea said. "We need to call the Pit. First to get the Mass Device ready for instant transportation."

"Good idea," Peter nodded. "She probably doesn't know about that. We will have the element of surprise."

"And with Cerebro we could probably pick up on her mutant signature so we can find out where she is," Kitty offered.

"And second?" Logan asked.

"We need to pick up some back up," Althea nodded. "Fortunately I know the perfect guy to help us."

"I think we can handle this," Logan grunted.

"Oh I think you'll want this guy around," Althea told him. "Remember we were talking about the most feared assassin on the planet? The one nobody wants to hire? I think he'll help us out if we ask him real nicely."

"Why would this maniac do that?" Kurt asked.

"Because he's been training me and my sisters since we could walk," Althea told him. "He could use a break."

########################################################################

"I'm gonna break his legs…" Rogue growled. "That jerk never told me he was engaged!"

"Well now you know," Belladonna told him. "Which is why you have to suffer. Speaking of suffering, I know that your powers make it impossible to touch anyone so how do you and he…you know? Do it?"

"We don't," Rogue snapped. "Not that it's any of your beeswax!"

"What about kissing?"

"No!"

"Nothing at all?" Belladonna's jaw dropped and then began to laugh. "Oh that is so rich! That's perfect! So perfect!"

"What are you laughing about you witch?" Rogue snapped.

"Do you know what he told me before we were supposed to get married?" Belladonna grinned. "He said he'd never touch another woman again if he couldn't have me. I guess he found a loophole that enabled him to keep his promise and act like his old self."

"What?" Rogue blinked.

"In other words dearie he found a way to have his cake and eat it too," Belladonna smirked. "You're the only woman he **can **chase!"

This was the proverbial final straw. "I'LL KILL HIM!" Rogue screamed as she broke through her bonds as well as the forcefield. "I'LL KILL HIM!"

"Uh oh…" Louis blinked. "I think you pushed her a little too far boss…"

"She is a tad stronger than I thought," Belladonna was taken aback.

**What happens next? Well…**


	6. Nobody Understands Me

**Nobody Understands Me**

"That Swamp Rat is so dead…" Rogue growled.

"Trust me, death is too good for him," Belladonna growled. "Sure you don't want a swig?"

"Nah I'm good," Rogue held up her hand as Belladonna poured herself another glass of wine. Both of them were sitting at a table in the recently trashed house. "Sorry about wrecking your house."

"Well I did kidnap you," Belladonna pointed out. "I'd be mad too. Good thing I needed to do some redecorating anyway."

"And uh sorry about your men there…" Rogue pointed to the henchmen lying in pain on the floor.

"Mama…" One of them whimpered.

"Oh well they're covered by insurance," Belladonna waved. "I'm just glad you decided to calm down."

"Calm down? HA!" Rogue spat. "Not likely. I just realized that you're not the enemy, that's all."

"You're right," Belladonna drank some wine. "Why the hell was I mad at you for anyway? It's not like you knew about us."

"You got that right!" Rogue agreed. "Dirty lying cheating…Love of his life! Yeah right! I knew it! I should have known! This always happens to me! Every time I think I can finally trust someone, BAM! I get it in the back!"

"Tell me about it!" Belladonna poured another glass. "I couldn't even trust my own parents!"

"Don't even get me **started** on parents!" Rogue told her. "I tell you would not believe the crap they put me through!"

"Yeah well when it comes to genetics I got real bad hand," Belladonna told her.

"Trust me, mine are worse," Rogue told her. "A lot worse!"

"Oh yeah?" Belladonna took a swig and looked at her. "My old man trained me from day one to be a killer. Decided to marry me off to a guy who killed my brother and ran off on me. After that he tried to marry me off to my stupid third cousin who turned out not only to be dating my **mom**, but trying to take over the family business. Both my dad and second fiancée end up blowing each other up to kingdom come along with half of our relatives and our ancestral home, while my slut of a mother runs off with the chauffeur!"

"Oh really?" Rogue looked at her. "My mother is Mystique, my father is Magneto. I was born out of a scientific experiment and placed within a surrogate mother who raises me while my real mom 'adopted' me years later when I was four. But she never told me I was her real kid or who the father was. She tricked me into joining the Brotherhood and nearly killed my friends and me when I found out the truth. Then she decides to pose as a girl who became my best friend and used me to spy on the X-Men. Every chance she gets she tries to use me in one of her schemes. The last one was when she had me brainwashed by this guy who had me release this maniac called Apocalypse. You remember him?"

"Yeah I remember hearing that on the news," Belladonna nodded. "Go on."

"Long story short I thought I killed her somehow which caused a huge rift between me and my half brother," Rogue said. "Didn't kill her though. It turned out she had become brainwashed herself along with my father to become one of Apocalypse's minions."

"Talk about karma," Belladonna took a drink.

"I'm not done yet," Rogue said. "My father not only did experiments on me, he had at least 3 other kids that I'm related too. One's a hyperactive prissy little speedster who thinks he's god's gift to the planet. He tried to date me before he found out about us being related. Now it's just his mission in life to annoy the hell out of me. Another's his twin sister who spent most of her life in mental ward and nearly killed me a few times. Now she just wants to annoy me and get me in hot water any chance she gets. And the third I have no idea where **she **came from but she's nearly an exact copy of Magneto except for the green hair **and** tried to kill me. And she still does."

"Wow…" Belladonna blinked.

"And you wanna talk about mom's being a slut?" Rogue went on. "Mystique had affairs with Zartan, this Cobra Mercenary who tried to take over Cobra for a bit, Sabertooth, **and **my surrogate mom who raised me."

"You win," Belladonna blinked.

"Told you," Rogue grinned. Then her face fell. "You know maybe I will just have a little sip of wine."

"Yeah wine is healthier for mutants anyway," Belladonna poured her a glass. "Man I thought my life sucked."

"You're the freaking head of an organization of assassins!" Rogue took the glass. "What's your problem?"

"Well it's not as glamorous as you would think," Belladonna told her. "I mean I'm management now. I don't go out into the field. I'm stuck here nearly all the time doing paperwork, on the phone all day. Even on those rare occasions I do go out to a party it's always business. Making contacts, casing the joint. Trying not to get killed by someone who wants my job. I'm no longer my own boss."

"Wow," Rogue took a drink and gulped. "Well…at least you can touch someone when you go on a date."

"What dates? What social life?" Belladonna groaned. "Most girls my age are thinking of boys to go to the prom with or to college parties. I'm only thinking of boys who have either screwed up on an assignment, owe me money or want to kill me! You know what happened the last date I was on two years ago? It turned out he was hired to try and kill me by a rival syndicate! Right in the middle of the movie he tried to stab me in the dark. Good thing I wore my body armor that night."

"I had no idea," Rogue finished her drink. "Hey that's good. Pour me another glass will ya?"

"I mean I don't even have time for myself anymore," Belladonna sighed as she poured her another drink. "Do you have any idea how many things I had to push back just to try and get revenge on Remy this week? I'm lucky I can spend an hour in front of the TV alone watching my favorite show, Abbot."

"Abbot?" Rogue "The deranged detective? You watch that show too?"

"Are you kidding? It's the only decent thing on television nowadays," Belladonna told her. "Well ever since my fave cartoon show got canceled but that's another story. Damn this wine is good."

"Did you see the episode where he had to go on the airplane and…?" Rogue asked.

"Oh yeah I loved that one!" Belladonna laughed. "He ends up running around the plane and the murder suspects are trying to flush him down the toilet…"

"Oh that was hilarious!" Rogue laughed. "And his secretary is trying to get him to take his sedatives but he won't do it…"

"Because the glass wasn't clean!" They both shouted and started to laugh.

"Oh that was one of the best ever…" Belladonna laughed. "More wine?"

"Why not?" Rogue agreed and took another glass. "You know most people at the mansion don't even watch the show. They're all too busy running around blowing stuff up or spying on each other or something."

"Spying on each other?" Belladonna asked.

"There is no privacy in that mansion," Rogue took another gulp from her glass. "The mansion is about a billion square feet with a ton of rooms but the way people keep poppin' in and out you'd think it was a one bedroom apartment."

"You're joking."

"No way," Rogue took another sip then continued. "Take what happened back at the coffee shop. When everyone was spying on me?"

"That's a normal date for you?"

"That's a normal date for everyone there! No wait, I take it back. Usually there are more people!"

"Oh man I thought I had it rough!"

"You have no idea what it's like in that nuthouse," Rogue groaned. "I think I need another glass of wine."

"Coming right up," Belladonna poured them both another drink from another bottle.

"Kurt teleports wherever he wants without warning," Rogue went on. "Kitty just walks through walls and doors like they're not there. Boom Boom blows up doors at the drop of a hat. Bobby and half the guys spy on me and little Jamie reports everything everyone does like he's our own personal newscaster. And you don't wanna know what I think of Jean sometimes."

"Oh the telepath?" Belladonna asked.

"Don't get me wrong, Jean's not that bad. She just gets a little full of herself sometimes," Rogue sighed. "It just gets on my nerves that she's Miss Perfect sometimes. Although now that I know about her sex life maybe she's not so perfect after all."

"Sex life?" Belladonna blinked. "What do you mean?"

"And don't get me started on my other relatives and the Misfits," Rogue moaned.

"My relatives aren't exactly that much better," Belladonna groaned. "Always judging me, trying to either take my money or my life. Sometimes both."

"Wow," Rogue blinked. "Really?"

"Nobody's on my side," Belladonna sighed. "At least nobody who's not on my payroll."

"I had no idea," Rogue said. "I mean Kurt and Wanda and Pietro are annoying as hell but…At least they care about me. Well Kurt cares about me. I think Wanda does at some point. Pietro…Well I think Pietro doesn't really want to see me dead or anything like that. He just likes to annoy me."

"Well that's better than being hated," Belladonna took another gulp of wine.

"Yeah well I got at least one sibling that hates my guts," Rogue leaned on her hand. "So I know what that's like."

"At least mine are all dead now," Belladonna sighed. "You know I don't really blame Remy for killing my brother. Julien was always a jerk. And not exactly the sharpest sword in the armory if you get my drift. He didn't have a choice leaving. I just wish he'd at least try and say goodbye to me first. He just ducked out the church and left town without a note. That's what really ticked me off."

"You know for somebody who goes around killing and kidnapping people, you ain't so bad," Rogue was feeling more relaxed.

"Well I gotta admit, for a girl who stole my fiancee's heart and replaced me, you ain't so rotten yourself," Belladonna admitted. "Pass the wine will ya?"

"Oh sure," Rogue gave her some. "You know I thought this birthday was gonna suck like my last one but considering things it's not that bad. At least I got someone reasonably…well sane isn't the word I'm looking for. No offense."

"None taken. As for me this is the first time I've sat down with another girl and just talked," Belladonna told her. "Ever."

"Really? I can't how many times we end up doing this at the mansion," Rogue said. "Although to be fair usually it's Kitty who talks and I just listen."

"Well now it's your turn. Now…" Belladonna grinned. "Tell me about Jean's sex life."

**Next: The others strive to rescue Rogue. While Rogue and Belladonna strive to get more wine.**


	7. Battles and Booze

**Battles and Booze**

"Why the hell couldn't Trinity transport us **inside** the mansion where Rogue's being held?" Scott shouted as he blasted a thug with a bazooka. The X-Men and Misfits along with a few Joes were fighting outside the Assassin's Guild headquarters.

"Something tells me they were a bit miffed at being left behind," Fred remarked as he pounded a tree which knocked down two goon. "It's still a good workout though."

"Kitty look out!" Lance shouted as several goons took aim at her. He shot out a tremor to take them down but nearly knocked Kitty over as well.

"Hey watch it!" Peter snapped. "You nearly got Kitty hurt!"

"Well if **you **were supposed to be watching her back it never would have happened in the first place!" Lance snapped at him.

"You're right!" Peter yelled. "I should have known better than to entrust Kitty's safety to a moron like you!"

"Oh and I suppose your tin plated muscles could do better?" Lance got in his face. "HA! FAT CHANCE!"

"You're going to get a **fat lip** if you don't…" Peter began. Neither of them saw the two goons headed for them. Fortunately someone else did and knocked them out.

"What part of stealth did you fools not understand?" Storm Shadow glared at them. "I specifically said that we were going to use **stealth** to do this mission!"

"He started it!" Both Lance and Peter pointed at each other.

"Your tremors alerted them to our presence!" Peter snapped.

"Well you're the one who threw that tree into that guy's boat!" Lance shouted.

"Now you know why I asked for your help Storm Shadow," Althea sighed.

"Now you know why I prefer to work alone…" Storm Shadow grumbled.

"And knowing is…" Fred began.

"Finish that line and I will hurt you," Low Light glared at him.

"Come on!" Remy shouted. "We have to save Rogue! Who knows what kind of danger she's in!"

########################################################################

"You know Remy always cried when he used to watch romantic movies?" Belladonna sloshed.

"He cried during the Lion King," Rogue hiccuped. "Aww, we're out of wine!"

"Can't have that now can we?" Belladonna got up and stumbled to the cubbard. "Man I don't know what's going on outside! The guys are really making a racket!"

"Yeah it's really cutting in on our party here," Rogue remarked as Belladonna got another bottle. "Hey can I ask you something?"

"No I don't have breast implants," Belladonna told her. "Breast reduction actually…"

"Not that. I gotta know," Rogue asked. "You and Remy…Did you two ever…you know?"

"He wouldn't touch me before the wedding," Belladonna snorted. "Had to act all chivalrous and stuff."

"Oh," Rogue said.

"So I did what any woman in my situation would do," Belladonna downed another drink. "Drugged him and got out the handcuffs."

"You didn't?"

"I did. And so did he, after a little coaxing," Belladonna told her. "Oh for crying out loud don't look so shocked. "It was hardly rape by any stretch of the imagination. Okay maybe the first few minutes but he quickly got into it. I mean it's not like he didn't want to do it, he was just afraid to offend my delicate sensibilities. Once he saw the whip and the handcuffs he realized I wasn't so delicate."

"Okay I can't believe I'm gonna ask this," Rogue gulped.

"How was he?" Belladonna beat her to the punch. Rogue nodded. "Hmmm well he wasn't bad. He was good at cuddling. Excellent kisser. Touching he was very good at. But when it came to the actual deed itself well…It was like a TV dinner. Quick, satisfying but not what you really want."

"Really?" Rogue gasped.

"Honest, I thought he'd be a lot better than he was," Belladonna told him. "Turns out all that Cajun macho act is just a bluff. He's just too sensitive for my tastes. I kind of like 'em wild. Like a stallion. Remy's more like a little bunny rabbit."

"Oh I love this," Rogue laughed. "Bunny rabbit?"

"Well he wasn't exactly Mr. Flopsy by any stretch of the imagination," Belladonna told her. "More like Peter Cottontail. A well hung Peter Cottontail. Remy never did like that song."

Rogue was laughing. "Oh I can't wait to use that! Did I tell you about my therapy with Psyche-Out I had to do?"

"The one where he blew up your doll and he had to dress like a teddy bear," Belladonna giggled. "No. Oh wait yeah you did. You gotta show me those pictures."

"So how are we gonna get back at him?" Rogue asked. "As long as we don't kill him or anything I'm game."

"I dunno, scare the hell out of him I guess," Belladonna took another drink. "I mean you do love him don't you?"

"Oh why are people always **asking **me that question?" Rogue moaned.

"Well it's obvious he's crazy about you," Belladonna hiccuped. "He gave you jewelry he didn't steal. More importantly. He gave you his adopted mom's bracelet."

"This bracelet belonged to Remy's momma?" Rogue was surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Belladonna nodded. "I saw it once. The only thing Remy has left of her jewelry since his old man hocked all the other stuff."

"Oh that is so sweet…" Rogue sniffed. "I don't know why I'm so mean to Remy. He's the sweetest guy. Always makes me smile and forget my pain."

"Not to mention the tightest little butt ever stuffed into spandex."

"That too."

"And that smile…"

"Yeah…" Rogue sighed dreamily.

"That smile he flashes every time he sees something in a skirt…" Belladonna grunted.

"Yeah…" Rogue thought.

"He just can't pass up any opportunity to flirt," Belladonna went on.

"Yeah…" Rogue thought some more.

"It' s not always about sleeping with them or getting a date," Belladonna continued. "He just has to charm them. Make them want him. **That's** what he's really after."

"Yeah…" Rogue started to get a bit annoyed.

"He just has to be the object of desire of every woman that he crosses paths with," Belladonna explained. "That way he can score without actually cheating on his fiancée!"

"Or his girlfriend!" Rogue shouted. "What a sicko!"

"Eyelash in his eye my butt!" Belladonna shouted. "Ohh! Right and I suppose that that bridesmaid just happened to lose her halter top by **accident!**"

"He's gonna pay!" Rogue shouted.

"Yeah!" Belladonna shouted.

"Rogue where are you?" They heard Remy shouting.

"It's him!" Belladonna gasped.

"Good…" Rogue had an evil look in her eye.

**Uh oh…This might be a tad painful….**


	8. Who Will Rescue the Rescuers?

**Who Will Rescue the Rescuers?**

"This way!" Remy told Kurt who had teleported him into the mansion. "Rogue! We're coming! We're…Rogue?" He was surprised when he saw Rogue standing there with Belladonna.

"Hello sweetheart," Belladonna slurred. "How's tricks?"

"Rogue it's okay! I'm here now!" Remy ran up to her."

"Oh isn't that sweet? YOU JERK!" Rogue punched him, sending him flying into a wall.

"Oh that's gotta hurt…" Kurt winced.

"Good shot," Belladonna clapped.

"Do you **really** want him back?" Rogue asked Belladonna.

She looked at Remy on the floor. "He's all **yours**," She scoffed.

"Uh what just happened here?" Kurt asked. He smelled Rogue's breath. "Are you **drunk**?"

"I may have had a little drinkie…" Rogue hiccuped. "But only to be hospitit-able…hostpit-alible…hoss…just to be nice."

"Yeah it's her birthday," Belladonna took a swig out of the bottle. "Lighten up!"

"What did you do to her?" Kurt yelled at Belladonna.

"Aw shaddap Kurt," Rogue snapped. "Leave her alone. She was just showing me a good time. Unlike you Mr. I'm Nuts And I Have To Spy On My Sister And Try To Control Her Life Because My Own Is Pathetic…"

"Rogue…" Remy staggered up. "Ow…Why did you hit me?"

"Uh…cause you're **you?**" Belladonna snapped. She staggered up to Remy. "Listen here cowboy…hic…You ain't gonna screw up with her like you did me! Got it!"

"Yeah the least you could have done is called the girl here!" Rogue snapped. "Do you know how worried she was when you left?"

"Trash!" Belladonna snarled. "You treat women like trash…Rogue deserves better than that!"

"Why didn't you call Belladonna?" Rogue slurred. "Would it be so difficult to at least send a postcard? Oh no wait, that would have required some **thought!**"

"But Remy…" Remy began.

"Why didn't you at least give her a choice to run off with you?" Rogue asked.

"Yeah!" Belladonna snapped. "I wouldn't have gone but a girl likes to be asked. Instead you had to be selfish!"

"Selfish! Selfish! Selfish!" Rogue poked her finger into his chest.

"Let's have some fun with him," Belladonna hiccuped. "Let's ride him around the room like a cowboy!"

"Giddy-yap!" Rogue laughed.

"I'll get the saddle!" Belladonna shouted.

"Okay…" Kurt teleported between the girls and Remy. "Obviously the two of you are upset and not quite thinking clearly…."

"Oh god I hate it when he does that!" Rogue waved away the brimstone smell with her hand.

"Does he do that all the time?" Belladonna asked her. "That is incredibly annoying!"

"Tell me about it!" Rogue said.

"Now Rogue…" Kurt started to restrain her but had no luck. "Rogue…ROGUE! LET ME GO! AGGGGH!"

Soon the others had fought their way into the mansion. "Everybody spread out!" Scott ordered. "Rogue has to be here…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! ROGUE! NOOOOOO!" Remy screamed.

"Somewhere…" Scott finished. They ran to the sound and were shocked at the sight before them. "Oh…my…God…"

"YEEHAAAAH!" Rogue was juggling Remy in the air. "I could do this all night!"

"CHERE! STOP! REMY IS GETTING DIZZY!" Remy screamed.

"Horsey! Horsey! Horsey!" Belladonna laughed as she clung to Kurt by the tail. "Play Horsey with me!"

"Neigh! I mean nein!" Kurt screamed in agony. "OW! THAT HURTS!"

"Well this is something unexpected…" Lance blinked.

"I forget," Todd scratched his head. "Who were we supposed to rescue again?"


	9. Making Up Is Impossible To Do

**Making Up Is Impossible To Do**

"Let me see if I get this straight…" Xavier looked at Logan on the videophone back at the mansion. "Rogue was kidnapped by Belladonna who got Rogue drunk and when you went to rescue them they beat up Gambit and Nightcrawler."

"And now the two of them won't come back because they want to have a party?" John was there too. "With cowboys?"

"That's pretty much the gist of it," Hank sighed. He was with Logan. "Those two are as high as proverbial kites."

"I see…" Xavier pinched his nose, feeling a massive headache coming on. "Do you realize what this means?"

"Jean's off the hook for getting drunk last year?" Hank asked.

"No," Xavier glared at him. "It means we need to have some serious discussions when you get back."

"Charles let's not be too hard on Rogue I mean technically it wasn't her fault she got drunk," Logan said. "I think…"

"Rogue knows better than to get drunk!" Xavier said. "Or at least I thought she knew better…"

"Yeah but by getting Belladonna drunk she sure made it a lot easier for us," Logan pointed out. "And I gotta admit it was kind of fun seeing the Cajun get what was coming to him."

"Aside from the drunken stupor she handled herself quite well considering the day she's been having," Hank told them.

"I forget are we mad at her or proud of her?" John asked.

"I must admit this is a bit of a gray area," Hank shrugged. "But you must admit getting kidnapped on your birthday is a bit stressful."

"Yeah let's just let this slide," Logan sighed. "Besides partying with the Misfits tonight is punishment enough for all of us!"

"I don't think there should be a party…" Xavier sighed.

"Hey look I can fly! Wheeee!" Rogue flew around in the background.

"Rogue get back down here!" Jean shouted as she chased her. "Rogue!"

"It looks like Rogue has done quite enough celebrating…" Xavier sighed. "Just bring her back and we'll sort this mess out somehow…Xavier out." He shut off the videophone.

"You wanna drink?" John asked him.

"You read my mind," Xavier replied.

########################################################################

"I never should have left the dojo tonight…" Storm Shadow grunted.

"Okay I am so confused," Bobby said.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Todd remarked.

"Now Gambit here killed Belladonna's brother Julien in self defense," Bobby went on. "But wasn't this Julien guy part of the gang called the Rivers who kidnapped Remy's dad?"

"That's another Julien," Remy told him, nursing his black eye. "And another gang. Julien is a popular name down here. Like Bill or Tony in New York. There's a million people here with the same name."

"Okay that makes sense…" Bobby said.

"Oh sure **him** you don't mind if he kills in self defense…" Lance muttered underneath his breath.

"Just let it go Lance," Kitty admonished him. "So Storm Shadow…You're the world's most feared assassin?"

"I used to be," Storm Shadow explained. "Back in the days when I worked with Cobra. Let's just say I had quite a reputation and leave it at that shall we?"

"Even Cobra Commander and the other Cobras were scared of him," Althea said. "That's why they used the Mind Scanner on him to try and keep him loyal."

"The what now?" Tabitha asked.

"It's a very long story for another time," Storm Shadow sighed. "One I do not feel like going into right now."

Both Belladonna and Rogue wandered into the room giggling. "**Especially** now," Storm Shadow glared at then. "What have I become? An overpriced babysitter? The triplets are bad enough!"

"It's okay we're better now," Rogue giggled slightly and calmed down. "Sorry Y'all had to go through this to get me."

"Don't be mad at Rogue," Belladonna said. "It's my fault. I'm completely responsible for all this."

"You certainly are," Remy glared at her.

"Hey! She said she was sorry," Rogue snapped. "You did hurt her feelings you know? I know why don't we all start over when we head back to the mansion. Belladonna you're gonna love the place. It'll be fun."

"She's coming too?" Scott asked. "Uh Rogue…You do remember she kidnapped you right?"

"Everybody makes mistakes," Belladonna shrugged.

"Yeah it's my birthday and I want my new buddy to come on and have some fun!" Rogue put her arm around Belladonna.

"Buddy?" Jean blinked. "Unbelievable! I try to be nice to Rogue for years and get nowhere. She **kidnaps** her and all of the sudden they're **best friends**?"

"Well you should have got her drunk," Pietro remarked.

"Well at least now Rogue knows how I felt last year," Jean sighed.

"Better?" Belladonna asked Rogue who was blinking.

"Oh yeah those things pack a punch," Rogue nodded.

"What things?" Scott asked.

"It's nothing," Belladonna waved. She seemed more lucid now. "Something to help clear the cobwebs. Don't worry it's perfectly safe."

"Yeah I'm feeling better now," Rogue said. "Not to mention a little embarrassed."

"How did you get so sober so fast?" Jean gasped.

"Sobriety pills," Belladonna held them up. "Specially made. All members of the Assassins guild have them. Knocks out all the effects of alcohol and prevents hangovers."

"Oh I've heard of those," Logan nodded. "Don't worry it's okay. As long as she doesn't take them every night or anything."

"Yeah I'm not gonna do that again I promise," Rogue sighed.

"Again it was my fault," Belladonna told them. "I kind of pressured her into it. I'm really sorry. Honest."

"Okay we'll just file it under the kidnapping thing and forget it ever happened," Logan sighed.

"WHAT?" Jean shouted. "You're just gonna let her get away with this?"

"She's eighteen," Logan told her. "She's a big girl now. What do you want me to do? Spank her?"

"Yeah!" Ray whooped. Every woman glared at him. "Sorry. My bad."

"We need to have a serious talk later," Ororo glared at him.

"She got drunk!" Jean shouted.

"So she's eighteen," Shipwreck shrugged. "It happens."

"Says the expert," Althea quipped.

"How come when I got drunk by Duncan you all hounded me for weeks?" Jean snapped. "But when Rogue gets drunk its okay?"

"Let it go Jean…" Kitty sighed. "Let's just go home."

"SHE'S SUPPOSED TO EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES! I WANT CONSEQUENCES!" Jean shouted.

"Jean please…" Hank sighed. "Not now…"

"I want consequences!" Jean shouted.

"Okay…" Belladonna grinned. "Maybe you shouldn't be so domineering in bed? Then you wouldn't be so frustrated."

"She has a point Jean," Pietro grinned.

"AGGGHHH!" Jean screamed and stomped off.

"THANKS A LOT ROGUE!" Scott shouted as he went after her. "Jean! No! Don't break that!"

"You're twisted," Althea looked at Belladonna. "I like that in a person."

"It's a gift," Belladonna shrugged.

"It's a gift that puts you one up in my book," Wanda grinned.

"So let's go back to the mansion and celebrate!" Tabitha cheered.

"With her?" Remy gasped as he pointed at Belladonna.

"Oh don't get so uptight Peter Cottontail," Rogue grinned.

"You told her about Peter Cottontail?" Remy's voice was filled with horror.

"Oh yeah…" Belladonna grinned.

"What about Peter Cottontail?" Peter asked.

"SHUT UP!" Remy snapped. "Remy don't want to hear another word on the subject!"

_"Here comes Peter Cottontail…" _Rogue began to sing.

_"Hopping down the bunny trail…" _Belladonna joined in.

_"Hippity Hoppity Easter's on its way!" _Both girls sang loudly as they left.

"It's official," Remy held his head in his hands. "Remy is in hell. What did Remy do to deserve this?"

"Do you want the short list or the long?" Pietro asked.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Remy stormed off.

"Oh but wait! I want to be your friend!" Pietro cackled as he followed him. "I'm great at counseling people!"

"If you're so great at it then why did that one guy try to commit suicide?" Todd asked as he called out after him.

"We might as well go home," Lance said. "We've did enough damage here."

"Yes and you've done enough damage," Peter put his arm around Kitty. "Come on Kitty."

"Take your hands off her Steel Face!" Lance snapped as he put his arm around her.

"**You **take your hands off **her** Shakedown!" Peter shoved him off. Soon both boys were shoving each other and fighting.

"Hooray! They both love me again!" Kitty cheered.

"And people say I'm twisted?" Wanda groaned.

"Well it was fun while it lasted," Tabitha said.

"I'll get the bandages," Lina sighed.

"Of all the things to go back to normal it had to be **that?**" Logan groaned. "Hank bring whatever wine's left. We're gonna need it!"

**Final Chapter: Rogue's birthday bash goes into full swing. And so does the destruction.**


	10. Never Mess With The Rogue

**Last chapter up! And yes I'm going away again for a week or so! So I have a busy life! Sue me!**

Bobby: Someone should! OW! OW! **(Several seagulls attack him.) ** Aren't these things reserved for Kelly?

**Yeah but I felt like torturing you with them for a change. Enjoy this last bit of insanity while I enjoy my vacation! Have fun!**

**Never Mess With The Rogue**

"Does anybody think it's weird that we have an assassin at this party?" Scott asked later on back at the Mansion.

"Why? It's never bothered you before," Althea remarked.

"Come on Stormy! Give me a kiss!" Shipwreck shouted.

"Get away from me you freak!" Ororo shouted as the sound of thunder could be heard.

"Hey Belladonna!" Althea shouted. "Those sobriety pills…Do you know if you can order them by the caseload?"

"TEQUILA! AWK!" Polly flew by with a bottle in his claws. Lockheed was following him.

"BRING THAT BACK!" John ran behind them. "WE NEED IT!"

"Oh yeah!" Pietro shouted. He and Xi were dancing on a table. "Shake your booty! Get down! Shake that thing!"

"Jubilee how many times do I have to tell you no fireworks displays in the house?" Logan shouted. A few knives barely missed him. "And that goes for your knife throwing too Blind Master!"

BOOM!

"There goes another wall," Hank sighed. "And we just repaired that one too."

"All right who did **that**?" Logan snapped.

"Uh…" Roadblock casually raised his hand. "Sorry. One of my grenades slipped."

"Okay… Thunderbird please hurry up with that drink please?" Logan groaned.

"I'll have one too," Hank sighed.

"Make mine a double," Xavier winced as something else broke.

"With all the other freaks around here you're worried about **her**?" Wanda asked. "And I don't just mean the mutants."

"You're right," Scott said. "She'll fit in perfectly here."

"I think I should stayed drunk," Rogue sighed. "I would have enjoyed this party more."

"Well I'm having a great time!" Kitty beamed. She was sitting with Rogue and Belladonna.

"You would," Rogue remarked. "So where are Idiot Number One and Idiot Number Two?"

"Getting me some punch," Kitty remarked. That was when Lance sailed across the room with a punchbowl on his head.

"Looks like they're giving each other punches," Belladonna remarked as the two boys fought.

"And you thought **I **was some kind of tramp for being with Remy?" Rogue asked.

"I never said the word tramp," Belladonna protested. "Thought it okay. But I had no idea there were worse people here."

"SHIPWRECK YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!" Ororo ran after Shipwreck. She was covered in cake.

"A lot worse," Belladonna commented. "And I thought the last Christmas Party the Assassin's Guild had was out of control when someone set fire to the cake."

"So how did someone so young get to become the leader of well…?" Kitty tried to phrase it delicately.

"A group of hired killers?" Belladonna asked. "I was born into it. Well all my other relatives killed each other off so there was no competition. Besides it's not like we're hired to kill just anybody. A lot of it is government work. We're still trying to get Osama. That guy's tricker than he looks."

"Really?" Kitty blinked.

"Nowadays half the stuff we do isn't even related to killing people," Belladonna sighed. "Annoying people maybe…"

"Like what?" Rogue asked.

"You know all that spam people get on selling Viagra online?" Belladonna sighed. "Hey don't look at me like that. That paid for a lot of my wardrobe!"

"I think I liked you better when I thought you only just killed people," Rogue moaned.

"Believe me there are days I'm not to thrilled with myself either," Belladonna sighed. "So Rogue did you talk to Remy yet?"

"Yeah we made up," Rogue nodded.

"He still won't come out of the closet will he?" Belladonna asked.

"No he refuses to leave until you're gone," Rogue told her.

"Oh well I guess I'll have to go visit him then," Belladonna got up. "I have got to come over here more often. _Here comes Peter Cottontail…"_

"So I guess this birthday wasn't so bad after all huh?" Kitty asked Rogue when they were alone.

"No," Rogue said sarcastically. "As long as you don't count group therapy, having my date being spied on by the entire mansion, getting kidnapped by my boyfriend's ex fiancée and having a typical party where everyone ends up fighting and things go to hell."

"You forgot getting drunk."

"I didn't forget, it was the one thing that made this whole day tolerable," Rogue sighed. "No that's not exactly true. I've been doing some thinking. I mean sometimes I feel my life sucks because of my powers and stuff. I mean being 18 is supposed to mean freedom and everything but it just feels a lot like a whole new year of the same old craziness."

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!" Baby Barney and Little C ran by with their faces covered in candy smears.

"Then again there are some advantages to not touching," Rogue watched the mayhem they created.

"Yeah at least you don't have to worry about birth control like Jean," Kitty pointed out.

"Scott!" Jean shouted as Scott stormed away from her. "I said I was sorry!"

"Tell it to the therapist!" Scott snapped. "I am not your sex toy you know! That's it! I've had it! I'm putting a lock on my door! A double bolted one!"

"Scoot!" Jean whined as she chased after him. "Can't we talk this out in therapy?"

"I think Scott has got that covered," Rogue blinked. "Man nothing like living in a house filled with nuts more screwed up than you are to make your problems feel not so bad."

"Yeah but we all love you," Kitty said. "In a family way you know?"

"EVERYBODY CAN CAN!" Pietro shouted.

"PIETRO I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON AND GET OFF THE TABLE!" Wanda screamed.

"Well most of us do," Kitty sighed.

"Yeah well I just realized that I can either spend my life moping or put my powers to good use," Rogue said. "Like I did when we got back."

"What do you mean?" Kitty asked.

"ICE CUBE!" Logan roared. "YOU ICED UP MY BIKE!"

"No I didn't!" Bobby shouted. "I fell asleep in the bathroom when I got home! OWW!"

"Yeah right! Likely story! Oh you are so dead you know that!" Logan shouted. "MY BIKE IS ENCASED IN A HUGE BLOCK OF ICE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT DOES TO THE ENGINE?"

"I didn't do it!" Bobby pleaded for his life.

"Well no one else could have! Now come on! I got a special Danger Room session all ready for you!" Logan dragged him away.

"Somebody! Help me!" Bobby whimpered.

"Help yourself Bobby," Rogue blew him a kiss.

Kitty looked at her. "You didn't…"

"Sometimes, it's good to be the Rogue," She grinned.


End file.
